[L knows him too well, and it's something Myr will acknowledge later when he hasn't got a story to tell.]
I met him in the nightmare we entered to save Dorchacht. After we'd gotten separated, Linden--he was being trailed by a despair demon he was trying to ignore. I attacked it to get it off of him and it proceeded to chase us into the Wilde. He was--congenial, throughout. Curious about the situation he'd gotten into and willing to work with me because I'd helped him, if not the way he'd have asked it.
We ran into more trouble in the forest-- [What that was he's going to leave unspecified unless asked, because he is--frankly--ashamed of how they'd goaded him and his split-second emotional response to it.] Which we fought off together, though when his demon began to close on us he suggested we fire the forest and I--agreed it would get rid of it.
So he did, and I ran. I suspect--if the signs in the dream hold--he'll be another Dragon.
Throughout it he was between treating me politely and showing awful cruelty to our enemies. And these flashes of sorrow, terrible sorrow over something it seemed he'd done or failed to do. Which would square with the despair demon.
[Now that he's said all that, dredged it all up, he...breathes out, uneasily.] I don't doubt he would be wholly capable of butchering and eating me if he took a mind to, but he hasn't. Nor do I think he'd give any warning he'd do it.
[L is aware of a certain level of irony and hypocrisy at play. The timing rules out anything retaliatory, even if L thought that Myr was the type to illustrate the issues with courting a potentially dangerous individual so brazenly this way.
Not only did L actively downplay his own murderer arriving in Aefengom, he'd moved the man in the home he shares with Myr and Bonded with him mere hours after he'd stepped through his mirror. Myr had stayed away for a week out of perhaps more than respect for the new arrangement; Myr had all but wept in the nightmare at the prospect of what such a person could do to his Bonded. The fact that L had ultimately erred on the side of giving Light a chance doesn't negate his right to be concerned by what his own eyes and ears show him of Myr's exchanges with this newcomer; if anything, Myr should understand them better, considering...
...or fail to, considering his ultimate acceptance of L's need for Light.
But it's different. Light's not just some stray; there's history there, enough to justify it. The dragon might as well be a stranger to him.]
He can be very sad, and very civil, and still worthy of an arm's length. Cruelty has a way of turning to new targets once old ones are exhausted, and you're lucky to get a warning.
[He knows it, because he's lived it, been at the giving and receiving ends of it.]
Not every joke has to be gentle or appropriate, but they tend to run a slanted parallel line with what a person would consider acceptable. What one would joke about is closer to what one truly believes than what one truly considers terrible and taboo, and would not mention at all except in very trusted company.
In other words, a joke is a nod to something that is absurd, but not impossible. Calling it a joke is just a way to make the absurdity the focus, rather than the possibility.
[But L is prone to seeing the threat first, of course. Just because he calls Light Yagami a friend, moved him into his home and Bonded with him doesn't mean he denies that the man was a mass killer.]
[ viren manages to listen to politely, and without interjection, to the entirety of this exchange. myr's tale is met with the occasional scoff, however. taken to him, indeed; it's why he thought the individual would attempt to address him publicly over the network - to show gratitude, or somesuch. ]
[ and that he's to be a dragon, presumably -- well. that's another point that should warrant a noise of derision from viren. regardless, L has again responded as reasonably as needed (deemed "reasonable" because he agrees with the assessment). he exhales, smoke trailing from the corners of his mouth, ]
I don't care what happens to this Dragon, Myr.
[ he doesn't think it, necessarily, a cruel statement, but does know it to be frank. ]
But do know [ his begins, tone hardening, in what's to culminate in quite a lofty statement - ] that if he's to step out of line, again, I don't have any qualms in retaliating against that. I'd hope we're clear on that point.
[Myr listens to them both in silence; they are, after all, his Bonded and a large part of what had drawn him to them both was respect for their intellectual abilities. ...And a part of what had kept them all together was his soft and forgiving heart, so they would certainly be well-positioned to know the sort of trouble it could get him into.
Even so it's wounding to hear L lay things out that way, as if Myr had not voiced his own reservations on the matter of the man. He makes a concentrated effort to pack that hurt into a very small box and shove it away for later.]
As crystal, messere, though I will tell you I do not think direct retaliation wise, [this, to Viren.] Because he will not shy from a disproportionate response. I very much doubt he is as he is because he hasn't yet learned his actions have consequences. [Ergo, attempting to teach him as much...may not end well for any of them.] Even so, I understand and appreciate that you have my back in this.
Linden-- [He hesitates, swallowing the first words he'd say. Do you not trust me to know better?] Believe me that I don't intend to take him into my inner confidences simply because he's sad about something. Yes, I will not deny that I feel as gently inclined toward him as I do nearly anyone else, [yes, yes, he knows he's like this and he's not ashamed of it,] but my decision to treat with him politely is because it brings his better nature to the fore, not because I don't believe him a threat.
He is just one of those threats better handled by not provoking him into something worse than words. Especially when we know very little of what he can, or will, do.
[It's far from the situation with Light, in that. Myr is trying very hard not to draw parallels to it.] Though I do take your warning.
[L is in his element when he's able to take the position of contrarian. However naturally it comes to him, though, there's something nice about being on a united front with someone, for or against some goal or obstacle. The danger is, of course, coming across too harsh and aggressive against someone that he and Viren are both pulling for, in the end.
Is Viren in a better position to tell Myr his kind and trusting nature is perhaps overextended to the new dragon? Perhaps... L senses, both through Myr's voice and their Bond, that he's toeing a line here given his own reckless indiscretions. Myr had warned him, and he'd acted as he would, anyway. What's to stop Myr from doing the same, and wouldn't it be justified, even if it was out of spite or retaliation?
No... those are poisoned sentiments that have no place in this Bond or this friendship. He's being uncharitable even as he acknowledges that Myr can be kind to unsavory types (like him), to a fault.
Standing down might be the classier thing to do, but he harbors his own stinging hurt. Comparing himself to this unsavory newcomer is unavoidable; Myr's soft heart, L's difficult personality, the arrogance and alleged goodness that only Myr is privy to for some special reason beyond L's understanding. Myr cherishes people, but he may also collect those in need of rehabilitation. Maybe it's compulsive; maybe Myr isn't so perfect, and maybe his Bonded aren't so special.
Yes, I will not deny that I feel as gently inclined toward him as I do nearly anyone else.
His mind is conflicted. While he believes that Myr is not retaliatory, does not calculate his emotional responses like a general on a battlefield designing a pointed strike, he knows that he himself is that way. It's great fun with someone like Light, but he doesn't actually want to hurt Myr; just soothe and dampen his own pain, reconcile it with the fact that being right about the dragon would just result in greater and deeper pain than any sharp-tongued bit of jagged wit, or haughty accusation of dimness because he wasn't in on the joke and read it as a legitimate threat toward someone he let himself care about.
He's not dim; he knows it. Mello wasn't, either, and still burned things he claimed to love when he was hurt.]
I'm with your Bonded, on this.
[Careful, tone.]
I get that you have a new project piece who needs your help to be decent.
[See, you have a weakness and an addiction, too!
...steady.]
He's shown the respect he has for lines already. I suppose it's not a matter of when he crosses one, but which one will justify rebuke. What do you consider reasonable to bet on [your new sinner, pet, wayward stray] his potential?
[ viren feels as if he may be missing something deeper at work here, even aside from the—admittedly, rather sharp, even if the tone's unrevealing—words. it has him curious. fortunately, now is not the time, nor is it likely ever to be appropriate, for pressing at this issue (perhaps, privately); he focused on what he's more familiar with: the alluded to, infamous cycle of violence. that's agonizingly reminiscent of home. with warring nations, he'd perpetuate it. ]
Oh, I'm not tiptoeing around his unique sensibilities. That would be blatant weakness, to demonstrate that we're careful to avoid escalation to anything stronger than words!
[ though he's unsure if myr's aware, he does feel like he's already relented from doing damage immediately. like he's already been generous, somehow. it has his reptilian eyes flash, has him considering his previous discussion with L — yes, take care of this while he's green. and although myr wouldn't detect it, he does resist a glance to the witch at the thought. he wonders if he should use "we," instead - alas, they may be in agreement, but viren is mindful to speak only for himself. ]
And that is precisely why I'd come to a more creative solution, but only if I must.
[ he buries that line of thought for now. even viren knows that he can't rise to the offense at every passing scent of danger, attack at every perceived slight to his ego. he feels as if some part of this conversation has warped past just discussion of the "new project piece." ]
[ but he'd have more transparently reminded myr -- that despite his weighted promises, that there shouldn't be apprehension for any of his actions (glossing over any concern for his own well-being, here — appreciated as that may be, even if a little insulting, he doesn't think it the paramount concern), should things remain civil. ]
[ he doesn't yet. for now, he's interested in hearing myr's response to that very pointed question. ]
[This is going beyond being merely A Mistake into A MISTAKE. He should have spoken to them both separately. Or maybe not intervened at all and just played his role as the cotton-headed, soft-hearted deer who needed to be protected from his latest--
project piece.
There's a messy undamped flash of rage from his side of their Bonds that's quickly stifled into nothingness. Count that as a hit, maybe, along with the way he audibly sets his watch down and doesn't respond for several seconds.
Breathe. Focus on breathing. Don't let this whelm you, mage. Maker and Lady, what do I do.
Maybe answer the question, even if it takes ungritting his teeth to do so.]
A little of my time, should I meet him in passing. A polite conversation or two. A handful of cunes if he's in need. Not either of you, nor Everett. Not my life, not my Bonds, not my friends, nor even the lives of strangers--I will not stake those on his potential. He is not a project piece.
[He rubs at his face with the heel of a hand, stressed enough to do it over the blindfold in an old gesture he thought he'd trained himself out of.]
I don't want to be treated like I don't know what I've gotten myself into. [His voice is very quiet. (Liability.)] I didn't want you borrowing trouble from this creature over just his words. He could have killed me in the nightmare and didn't. He might still turn on any of us and I'm grateful-- I am blessed beyond measure to have you both looking out for that.
Just...don't start that any sooner than it must be. That's all.
[Viren's head is on straight, Viren knows, Viren gets it. It heartens L tremendously to hear him speaking truth and common sense (more so, because he agrees). A vicious part of him preoccupied with fairness digs in at the opening, suggests that if he had to adjust to the ways and customs of Aefenglom, so must this prick who thinks himself above it and invulnerable, speaking freely and with immunity that others are not afforded.
In his meanest, most jealous and furious moment, L wouldn't ever suggest harming Myr intentionally. Maybe the notion of devouring hits close to home; maybe he's had nightmares of waking from a self-annihilating fugue state to find himself covered in someone else's blood, or returning to his ice-glazed subconscious to discover that the roaming Leviathan has left only a set of antlers tangled in the ragged weeds.
In his meanest, most jealous and furious moments, perhaps intentional harm isn't even necessary. Perhaps L's chronic determination to prove that everyone who gets to know him comes to despise him is enough to persist in wounding his Bonded blithely and constantly. Perhaps he's firing on all cylinders at someone else while quietly gnawing at bones of his own that he refuses to acknowledge.
Perhaps he's overthinking it. Perhaps it's too late to think about it, at all, at least in any kind of constructive matter; he wonders as much, especially when he feels that roil of anger from Myr's side of the Bond, indicating that he's struck a nerve as cleanly and cruelly as if he'd been aiming for it. Was he?
You've done enough, you know...
His gaze briefly meets Viren's, then glances away, as Myr humors him bitterly by answering. Kindness, then; just simple kindness, assuming the best without taking from others or completely throwing caution to the wind. At least, that is the intention, now. Creative solutions, L has a taste and an appreciation for; simple kindness is something he still perceives as profound, even unsettling, too much to ask for from a stranger and pushing it, to ask for from a friend. It still isn't something he expects, which might be another reason Lahabrea offends him: monsters, after all, should know what they are, and realize the boundaries of their entitlement.]
It started when you believed he could have killed you in the nightmare.
[That sure is a strange way to say "I understand and I trust you." It's a testament to how much Lahabrea has shaken L that what he meant to say doesn't resemble what he did say in the least, and it's not even the first time, today.]
If you're inspired to gamble any more than you staked, I won't borrow trouble. I'll take it, and risk having to apologize over having no one around to hear it.
[He's fairly sure he'll have help; likely from Myr's Bonded, certainly from his Witch, who is a boon to him so long as they are united against some outside target and not each other.]
[ viren suffers internal conflict at the faun's defense, and he dislikes that conflict. he trusts in myr, but he also doubts; he certainly thinks he can dig into a few more of these comments—particularly, that of he could have killed me in that nightmare, and didn't—but the fresh wave of upset from his bonded grounds him towards something more merciful. and still, myr has done enough to satiate viren for the moment, with something as simple (and likely to others, trivial) as expressing his gratitude, that of even being blessed, for his bonded. if myr is attuned to it, it manages to temper any simmering irritation a good deal. ]
[ viren only pauses due to one more instance — as l's promise is striking enough that it warrants reflection (because the other man's thinking isn't necessarily incorrect: that particular risk tends to be a compelling in enlisting viren's help). ]
[ eventually, there's an audible exhale from the dragon. ]
I'm glad we're of an understanding.
[ he remarks, solely on account of his own perspective. ]
Then, because I don't think I need to repeat myself — [ in vocalizing where his priorities lie, particularly; some people do need to be reminded multiple times, after all ] — I'll leave you two. I have some work that needs attending to.
Continuing to argue here won't win him anything, though he does make a breath of a noise--a start of a word--like he'd carry the fight against both of them. Then the breath sighs from his lungs, unused. (A small, dimly amused part of him notes that L and Viren make a marvelous team, though they've between them got an unfair advantage against him: He can't focus on either of them long enough to speak to each man's particular concerns.
It does not help, either, his Bonds pull him in two very different directions: Viren apparently mollified and tempered by this resolution and L--
L still an unsettled self-regarding bleakness that Myr imagines he will have to untangle bit by bit when he's more equipped to help with it.)]
We--are of an understanding, yes. I hear both of you. I will tell you if I've any further cause for concern about him.
[Because that seems like the most control he can have over the unraveling situation, in the moment. He rubs at his face again, pulling his turbulent emotions inward before they can stain his Bonds any further.] Maker watch over you, Viren.
Linden--do we have more to talk about? [It is not an empty question; he's just been left so unsettled himself he's not sure where to begin on this one.
Maybe by setting it down for a few hours so they can approach it anew, for the way it's gotten tangled up in L's own fears...will require delicacy.]
[L and Viren do make a good team; perhaps surprisingly so, considering how secretly adversarial L has felt toward Myr's other Bonded at various points in the past. It's to the extent that when Viren signs off, with grace, that L feels momentarily adrift, left alone with his ire and his conflict and his deep, troubling concern for Myr that is perhaps a convenient projection of his own deeply concerning situation.
Or his own deeply concerning hypocrisy, but... he'd prefer not to reflect, or dwell, or consider. Not at this time. He murmurs a quick word of parting to Viren, probably too casual for what the situation calls for, but brevity might be better at this time. There are raw things exposed prematurely; shadows he perhaps jumped at too quickly, slights that might be imagined, feelings that might be deeply hurt.
He swallows, looking away, though he knows Myr can't see him.]
[It is times like these Myr is once again reminded he does not, and cannot, live wholly for himself. The risks he runs are shared; the hole he'd leave in the lives of his beloveds not one easily--if ever--filled.]
I will, amatus. I promise you, I will.
[And he is not one to make or break promises lightly.
I will not abandon you.]
You will, as well? [Though that is, perhaps, an unfair question on his part.]
[The reminder seeps over the Bond, if only because L has required it himself, knows it like a reliable half-tame thing that canters by on occasion for an outstretched hand and a sugar cube before retreating again into mist.
It's held, and shaken, and insisted to him that a spiral into oblivion is cruel and selfish and stands to wound someone he'd rather protect from harm. Often, it's sounded like Myr, because it's been Myr, and this is the only way asking so much of him is fair at all. He needs reciprocation and reassurance; he needs to know that after forcing him to care about himself to some anemic but existent degree, Myr isn't going to end up with his ribs as some gluttonous dragon's toothpicks.
Fairness is the core of justice; fairness is a child's first awareness of that lofty notion, usually because it is lacking.
Is this a promise, or a prayer? L swallows, nods out of the ease and habit that comes with being able to emote freely around one who can't see him.]
Of course. Please rely on it.
[Trust it, the way Myr hasn't been able to in the past. Trust also that, as Light studies and dines and lives with him, calling out his uneven buttons and sparring with his hungry wit, his murderer might actually be good for him though no sane argument supports the notion.]
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I met him in the nightmare we entered to save Dorchacht. After we'd gotten separated, Linden--he was being trailed by a despair demon he was trying to ignore. I attacked it to get it off of him and it proceeded to chase us into the Wilde. He was--congenial, throughout. Curious about the situation he'd gotten into and willing to work with me because I'd helped him, if not the way he'd have asked it.
We ran into more trouble in the forest-- [What that was he's going to leave unspecified unless asked, because he is--frankly--ashamed of how they'd goaded him and his split-second emotional response to it.] Which we fought off together, though when his demon began to close on us he suggested we fire the forest and I--agreed it would get rid of it.
So he did, and I ran. I suspect--if the signs in the dream hold--he'll be another Dragon.
Throughout it he was between treating me politely and showing awful cruelty to our enemies. And these flashes of sorrow, terrible sorrow over something it seemed he'd done or failed to do. Which would square with the despair demon.
[Now that he's said all that, dredged it all up, he...breathes out, uneasily.] I don't doubt he would be wholly capable of butchering and eating me if he took a mind to, but he hasn't. Nor do I think he'd give any warning he'd do it.
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Not only did L actively downplay his own murderer arriving in Aefengom, he'd moved the man in the home he shares with Myr and Bonded with him mere hours after he'd stepped through his mirror. Myr had stayed away for a week out of perhaps more than respect for the new arrangement; Myr had all but wept in the nightmare at the prospect of what such a person could do to his Bonded. The fact that L had ultimately erred on the side of giving Light a chance doesn't negate his right to be concerned by what his own eyes and ears show him of Myr's exchanges with this newcomer; if anything, Myr should understand them better, considering...
...or fail to, considering his ultimate acceptance of L's need for Light.
But it's different. Light's not just some stray; there's history there, enough to justify it. The dragon might as well be a stranger to him.]
He can be very sad, and very civil, and still worthy of an arm's length. Cruelty has a way of turning to new targets once old ones are exhausted, and you're lucky to get a warning.
[He knows it, because he's lived it, been at the giving and receiving ends of it.]
Not every joke has to be gentle or appropriate, but they tend to run a slanted parallel line with what a person would consider acceptable. What one would joke about is closer to what one truly believes than what one truly considers terrible and taboo, and would not mention at all except in very trusted company.
In other words, a joke is a nod to something that is absurd, but not impossible. Calling it a joke is just a way to make the absurdity the focus, rather than the possibility.
[But L is prone to seeing the threat first, of course. Just because he calls Light Yagami a friend, moved him into his home and Bonded with him doesn't mean he denies that the man was a mass killer.]
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[ and that he's to be a dragon, presumably -- well. that's another point that should warrant a noise of derision from viren. regardless, L has again responded as reasonably as needed (deemed "reasonable" because he agrees with the assessment). he exhales, smoke trailing from the corners of his mouth, ]
I don't care what happens to this Dragon, Myr.
[ he doesn't think it, necessarily, a cruel statement, but does know it to be frank. ]
But do know [ his begins, tone hardening, in what's to culminate in quite a lofty statement - ] that if he's to step out of line, again, I don't have any qualms in retaliating against that. I'd hope we're clear on that point.
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Even so it's wounding to hear L lay things out that way, as if Myr had not voiced his own reservations on the matter of the man. He makes a concentrated effort to pack that hurt into a very small box and shove it away for later.]
As crystal, messere, though I will tell you I do not think direct retaliation wise, [this, to Viren.] Because he will not shy from a disproportionate response. I very much doubt he is as he is because he hasn't yet learned his actions have consequences. [Ergo, attempting to teach him as much...may not end well for any of them.] Even so, I understand and appreciate that you have my back in this.
Linden-- [He hesitates, swallowing the first words he'd say. Do you not trust me to know better?] Believe me that I don't intend to take him into my inner confidences simply because he's sad about something. Yes, I will not deny that I feel as gently inclined toward him as I do nearly anyone else, [yes, yes, he knows he's like this and he's not ashamed of it,] but my decision to treat with him politely is because it brings his better nature to the fore, not because I don't believe him a threat.
He is just one of those threats better handled by not provoking him into something worse than words. Especially when we know very little of what he can, or will, do.
[It's far from the situation with Light, in that. Myr is trying very hard not to draw parallels to it.] Though I do take your warning.
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Is Viren in a better position to tell Myr his kind and trusting nature is perhaps overextended to the new dragon? Perhaps... L senses, both through Myr's voice and their Bond, that he's toeing a line here given his own reckless indiscretions. Myr had warned him, and he'd acted as he would, anyway. What's to stop Myr from doing the same, and wouldn't it be justified, even if it was out of spite or retaliation?
No... those are poisoned sentiments that have no place in this Bond or this friendship. He's being uncharitable even as he acknowledges that Myr can be kind to unsavory types (like him), to a fault.
Standing down might be the classier thing to do, but he harbors his own stinging hurt. Comparing himself to this unsavory newcomer is unavoidable; Myr's soft heart, L's difficult personality, the arrogance and alleged goodness that only Myr is privy to for some special reason beyond L's understanding. Myr cherishes people, but he may also collect those in need of rehabilitation. Maybe it's compulsive; maybe Myr isn't so perfect, and maybe his Bonded aren't so special.
Yes, I will not deny that I feel as gently inclined toward him as I do nearly anyone else.
His mind is conflicted. While he believes that Myr is not retaliatory, does not calculate his emotional responses like a general on a battlefield designing a pointed strike, he knows that he himself is that way. It's great fun with someone like Light, but he doesn't actually want to hurt Myr; just soothe and dampen his own pain, reconcile it with the fact that being right about the dragon would just result in greater and deeper pain than any sharp-tongued bit of jagged wit, or haughty accusation of dimness because he wasn't in on the joke and read it as a legitimate threat toward someone he let himself care about.
He's not dim; he knows it. Mello wasn't, either, and still burned things he claimed to love when he was hurt.]
I'm with your Bonded, on this.
[Careful, tone.]
I get that you have a new project piece who needs your help to be decent.
[See, you have a weakness and an addiction, too!
...steady.]
He's shown the respect he has for lines already. I suppose it's not a matter of when he crosses one, but which one will justify rebuke. What do you consider reasonable to bet on [your new sinner, pet, wayward stray] his potential?
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Oh, I'm not tiptoeing around his unique sensibilities. That would be blatant weakness, to demonstrate that we're careful to avoid escalation to anything stronger than words!
[ though he's unsure if myr's aware, he does feel like he's already relented from doing damage immediately. like he's already been generous, somehow. it has his reptilian eyes flash, has him considering his previous discussion with L — yes, take care of this while he's green. and although myr wouldn't detect it, he does resist a glance to the witch at the thought. he wonders if he should use "we," instead - alas, they may be in agreement, but viren is mindful to speak only for himself. ]
And that is precisely why I'd come to a more creative solution, but only if I must.
[ he buries that line of thought for now. even viren knows that he can't rise to the offense at every passing scent of danger, attack at every perceived slight to his ego. he feels as if some part of this conversation has warped past just discussion of the "new project piece." ]
[ but he'd have more transparently reminded myr -- that despite his weighted promises, that there shouldn't be apprehension for any of his actions (glossing over any concern for his own well-being, here — appreciated as that may be, even if a little insulting, he doesn't think it the paramount concern), should things remain civil. ]
[ he doesn't yet. for now, he's interested in hearing myr's response to that very pointed question. ]
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project piece.
There's a messy undamped flash of rage from his side of their Bonds that's quickly stifled into nothingness. Count that as a hit, maybe, along with the way he audibly sets his watch down and doesn't respond for several seconds.
Breathe. Focus on breathing. Don't let this whelm you, mage. Maker and Lady, what do I do.
Maybe answer the question, even if it takes ungritting his teeth to do so.]
A little of my time, should I meet him in passing. A polite conversation or two. A handful of cunes if he's in need. Not either of you, nor Everett. Not my life, not my Bonds, not my friends, nor even the lives of strangers--I will not stake those on his potential. He is not a project piece.
[He rubs at his face with the heel of a hand, stressed enough to do it over the blindfold in an old gesture he thought he'd trained himself out of.]
I don't want to be treated like I don't know what I've gotten myself into. [His voice is very quiet. (Liability.)] I didn't want you borrowing trouble from this creature over just his words. He could have killed me in the nightmare and didn't. He might still turn on any of us and I'm grateful-- I am blessed beyond measure to have you both looking out for that.
Just...don't start that any sooner than it must be. That's all.
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In his meanest, most jealous and furious moment, L wouldn't ever suggest harming Myr intentionally. Maybe the notion of devouring hits close to home; maybe he's had nightmares of waking from a self-annihilating fugue state to find himself covered in someone else's blood, or returning to his ice-glazed subconscious to discover that the roaming Leviathan has left only a set of antlers tangled in the ragged weeds.
In his meanest, most jealous and furious moments, perhaps intentional harm isn't even necessary. Perhaps L's chronic determination to prove that everyone who gets to know him comes to despise him is enough to persist in wounding his Bonded blithely and constantly. Perhaps he's firing on all cylinders at someone else while quietly gnawing at bones of his own that he refuses to acknowledge.
Perhaps he's overthinking it. Perhaps it's too late to think about it, at all, at least in any kind of constructive matter; he wonders as much, especially when he feels that roil of anger from Myr's side of the Bond, indicating that he's struck a nerve as cleanly and cruelly as if he'd been aiming for it. Was he?
You've done enough, you know...
His gaze briefly meets Viren's, then glances away, as Myr humors him bitterly by answering. Kindness, then; just simple kindness, assuming the best without taking from others or completely throwing caution to the wind. At least, that is the intention, now. Creative solutions, L has a taste and an appreciation for; simple kindness is something he still perceives as profound, even unsettling, too much to ask for from a stranger and pushing it, to ask for from a friend. It still isn't something he expects, which might be another reason Lahabrea offends him: monsters, after all, should know what they are, and realize the boundaries of their entitlement.]
It started when you believed he could have killed you in the nightmare.
[That sure is a strange way to say "I understand and I trust you." It's a testament to how much Lahabrea has shaken L that what he meant to say doesn't resemble what he did say in the least, and it's not even the first time, today.]
If you're inspired to gamble any more than you staked, I won't borrow trouble. I'll take it, and risk having to apologize over having no one around to hear it.
[He's fairly sure he'll have help; likely from Myr's Bonded, certainly from his Witch, who is a boon to him so long as they are united against some outside target and not each other.]
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[ viren only pauses due to one more instance — as l's promise is striking enough that it warrants reflection (because the other man's thinking isn't necessarily incorrect: that particular risk tends to be a compelling in enlisting viren's help). ]
[ eventually, there's an audible exhale from the dragon. ]
I'm glad we're of an understanding.
[ he remarks, solely on account of his own perspective. ]
Then, because I don't think I need to repeat myself — [ in vocalizing where his priorities lie, particularly; some people do need to be reminded multiple times, after all ] — I'll leave you two. I have some work that needs attending to.
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Continuing to argue here won't win him anything, though he does make a breath of a noise--a start of a word--like he'd carry the fight against both of them. Then the breath sighs from his lungs, unused. (A small, dimly amused part of him notes that L and Viren make a marvelous team, though they've between them got an unfair advantage against him: He can't focus on either of them long enough to speak to each man's particular concerns.
It does not help, either, his Bonds pull him in two very different directions: Viren apparently mollified and tempered by this resolution and L--
L still an unsettled self-regarding bleakness that Myr imagines he will have to untangle bit by bit when he's more equipped to help with it.)]
We--are of an understanding, yes. I hear both of you. I will tell you if I've any further cause for concern about him.
[Because that seems like the most control he can have over the unraveling situation, in the moment. He rubs at his face again, pulling his turbulent emotions inward before they can stain his Bonds any further.] Maker watch over you, Viren.
Linden--do we have more to talk about? [It is not an empty question; he's just been left so unsettled himself he's not sure where to begin on this one.
Maybe by setting it down for a few hours so they can approach it anew, for the way it's gotten tangled up in L's own fears...will require delicacy.]
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Or his own deeply concerning hypocrisy, but... he'd prefer not to reflect, or dwell, or consider. Not at this time. He murmurs a quick word of parting to Viren, probably too casual for what the situation calls for, but brevity might be better at this time. There are raw things exposed prematurely; shadows he perhaps jumped at too quickly, slights that might be imagined, feelings that might be deeply hurt.
He swallows, looking away, though he knows Myr can't see him.]
I think... another time, perhaps.
[Sorry.]
You'll be safe?
[I hope. Please.]
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I will, amatus. I promise you, I will.
[And he is not one to make or break promises lightly.
I will not abandon you.]
You will, as well? [Though that is, perhaps, an unfair question on his part.]
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It's held, and shaken, and insisted to him that a spiral into oblivion is cruel and selfish and stands to wound someone he'd rather protect from harm. Often, it's sounded like Myr, because it's been Myr, and this is the only way asking so much of him is fair at all. He needs reciprocation and reassurance; he needs to know that after forcing him to care about himself to some anemic but existent degree, Myr isn't going to end up with his ribs as some gluttonous dragon's toothpicks.
Fairness is the core of justice; fairness is a child's first awareness of that lofty notion, usually because it is lacking.
Is this a promise, or a prayer? L swallows, nods out of the ease and habit that comes with being able to emote freely around one who can't see him.]
Of course. Please rely on it.
[Trust it, the way Myr hasn't been able to in the past. Trust also that, as Light studies and dines and lives with him, calling out his uneven buttons and sparring with his hungry wit, his murderer might actually be good for him though no sane argument supports the notion.]