[L is in his element when he's able to take the position of contrarian. However naturally it comes to him, though, there's something nice about being on a united front with someone, for or against some goal or obstacle. The danger is, of course, coming across too harsh and aggressive against someone that he and Viren are both pulling for, in the end.
Is Viren in a better position to tell Myr his kind and trusting nature is perhaps overextended to the new dragon? Perhaps... L senses, both through Myr's voice and their Bond, that he's toeing a line here given his own reckless indiscretions. Myr had warned him, and he'd acted as he would, anyway. What's to stop Myr from doing the same, and wouldn't it be justified, even if it was out of spite or retaliation?
No... those are poisoned sentiments that have no place in this Bond or this friendship. He's being uncharitable even as he acknowledges that Myr can be kind to unsavory types (like him), to a fault.
Standing down might be the classier thing to do, but he harbors his own stinging hurt. Comparing himself to this unsavory newcomer is unavoidable; Myr's soft heart, L's difficult personality, the arrogance and alleged goodness that only Myr is privy to for some special reason beyond L's understanding. Myr cherishes people, but he may also collect those in need of rehabilitation. Maybe it's compulsive; maybe Myr isn't so perfect, and maybe his Bonded aren't so special.
Yes, I will not deny that I feel as gently inclined toward him as I do nearly anyone else.
His mind is conflicted. While he believes that Myr is not retaliatory, does not calculate his emotional responses like a general on a battlefield designing a pointed strike, he knows that he himself is that way. It's great fun with someone like Light, but he doesn't actually want to hurt Myr; just soothe and dampen his own pain, reconcile it with the fact that being right about the dragon would just result in greater and deeper pain than any sharp-tongued bit of jagged wit, or haughty accusation of dimness because he wasn't in on the joke and read it as a legitimate threat toward someone he let himself care about.
He's not dim; he knows it. Mello wasn't, either, and still burned things he claimed to love when he was hurt.]
I'm with your Bonded, on this.
[Careful, tone.]
I get that you have a new project piece who needs your help to be decent.
[See, you have a weakness and an addiction, too!
...steady.]
He's shown the respect he has for lines already. I suppose it's not a matter of when he crosses one, but which one will justify rebuke. What do you consider reasonable to bet on [your new sinner, pet, wayward stray] his potential?
[ viren feels as if he may be missing something deeper at work here, even aside from the—admittedly, rather sharp, even if the tone's unrevealing—words. it has him curious. fortunately, now is not the time, nor is it likely ever to be appropriate, for pressing at this issue (perhaps, privately); he focused on what he's more familiar with: the alluded to, infamous cycle of violence. that's agonizingly reminiscent of home. with warring nations, he'd perpetuate it. ]
Oh, I'm not tiptoeing around his unique sensibilities. That would be blatant weakness, to demonstrate that we're careful to avoid escalation to anything stronger than words!
[ though he's unsure if myr's aware, he does feel like he's already relented from doing damage immediately. like he's already been generous, somehow. it has his reptilian eyes flash, has him considering his previous discussion with L — yes, take care of this while he's green. and although myr wouldn't detect it, he does resist a glance to the witch at the thought. he wonders if he should use "we," instead - alas, they may be in agreement, but viren is mindful to speak only for himself. ]
And that is precisely why I'd come to a more creative solution, but only if I must.
[ he buries that line of thought for now. even viren knows that he can't rise to the offense at every passing scent of danger, attack at every perceived slight to his ego. he feels as if some part of this conversation has warped past just discussion of the "new project piece." ]
[ but he'd have more transparently reminded myr -- that despite his weighted promises, that there shouldn't be apprehension for any of his actions (glossing over any concern for his own well-being, here — appreciated as that may be, even if a little insulting, he doesn't think it the paramount concern), should things remain civil. ]
[ he doesn't yet. for now, he's interested in hearing myr's response to that very pointed question. ]
[This is going beyond being merely A Mistake into A MISTAKE. He should have spoken to them both separately. Or maybe not intervened at all and just played his role as the cotton-headed, soft-hearted deer who needed to be protected from his latest--
project piece.
There's a messy undamped flash of rage from his side of their Bonds that's quickly stifled into nothingness. Count that as a hit, maybe, along with the way he audibly sets his watch down and doesn't respond for several seconds.
Breathe. Focus on breathing. Don't let this whelm you, mage. Maker and Lady, what do I do.
Maybe answer the question, even if it takes ungritting his teeth to do so.]
A little of my time, should I meet him in passing. A polite conversation or two. A handful of cunes if he's in need. Not either of you, nor Everett. Not my life, not my Bonds, not my friends, nor even the lives of strangers--I will not stake those on his potential. He is not a project piece.
[He rubs at his face with the heel of a hand, stressed enough to do it over the blindfold in an old gesture he thought he'd trained himself out of.]
I don't want to be treated like I don't know what I've gotten myself into. [His voice is very quiet. (Liability.)] I didn't want you borrowing trouble from this creature over just his words. He could have killed me in the nightmare and didn't. He might still turn on any of us and I'm grateful-- I am blessed beyond measure to have you both looking out for that.
Just...don't start that any sooner than it must be. That's all.
[Viren's head is on straight, Viren knows, Viren gets it. It heartens L tremendously to hear him speaking truth and common sense (more so, because he agrees). A vicious part of him preoccupied with fairness digs in at the opening, suggests that if he had to adjust to the ways and customs of Aefenglom, so must this prick who thinks himself above it and invulnerable, speaking freely and with immunity that others are not afforded.
In his meanest, most jealous and furious moment, L wouldn't ever suggest harming Myr intentionally. Maybe the notion of devouring hits close to home; maybe he's had nightmares of waking from a self-annihilating fugue state to find himself covered in someone else's blood, or returning to his ice-glazed subconscious to discover that the roaming Leviathan has left only a set of antlers tangled in the ragged weeds.
In his meanest, most jealous and furious moments, perhaps intentional harm isn't even necessary. Perhaps L's chronic determination to prove that everyone who gets to know him comes to despise him is enough to persist in wounding his Bonded blithely and constantly. Perhaps he's firing on all cylinders at someone else while quietly gnawing at bones of his own that he refuses to acknowledge.
Perhaps he's overthinking it. Perhaps it's too late to think about it, at all, at least in any kind of constructive matter; he wonders as much, especially when he feels that roil of anger from Myr's side of the Bond, indicating that he's struck a nerve as cleanly and cruelly as if he'd been aiming for it. Was he?
You've done enough, you know...
His gaze briefly meets Viren's, then glances away, as Myr humors him bitterly by answering. Kindness, then; just simple kindness, assuming the best without taking from others or completely throwing caution to the wind. At least, that is the intention, now. Creative solutions, L has a taste and an appreciation for; simple kindness is something he still perceives as profound, even unsettling, too much to ask for from a stranger and pushing it, to ask for from a friend. It still isn't something he expects, which might be another reason Lahabrea offends him: monsters, after all, should know what they are, and realize the boundaries of their entitlement.]
It started when you believed he could have killed you in the nightmare.
[That sure is a strange way to say "I understand and I trust you." It's a testament to how much Lahabrea has shaken L that what he meant to say doesn't resemble what he did say in the least, and it's not even the first time, today.]
If you're inspired to gamble any more than you staked, I won't borrow trouble. I'll take it, and risk having to apologize over having no one around to hear it.
[He's fairly sure he'll have help; likely from Myr's Bonded, certainly from his Witch, who is a boon to him so long as they are united against some outside target and not each other.]
[ viren suffers internal conflict at the faun's defense, and he dislikes that conflict. he trusts in myr, but he also doubts; he certainly thinks he can dig into a few more of these comments—particularly, that of he could have killed me in that nightmare, and didn't—but the fresh wave of upset from his bonded grounds him towards something more merciful. and still, myr has done enough to satiate viren for the moment, with something as simple (and likely to others, trivial) as expressing his gratitude, that of even being blessed, for his bonded. if myr is attuned to it, it manages to temper any simmering irritation a good deal. ]
[ viren only pauses due to one more instance — as l's promise is striking enough that it warrants reflection (because the other man's thinking isn't necessarily incorrect: that particular risk tends to be a compelling in enlisting viren's help). ]
[ eventually, there's an audible exhale from the dragon. ]
I'm glad we're of an understanding.
[ he remarks, solely on account of his own perspective. ]
Then, because I don't think I need to repeat myself — [ in vocalizing where his priorities lie, particularly; some people do need to be reminded multiple times, after all ] — I'll leave you two. I have some work that needs attending to.
Continuing to argue here won't win him anything, though he does make a breath of a noise--a start of a word--like he'd carry the fight against both of them. Then the breath sighs from his lungs, unused. (A small, dimly amused part of him notes that L and Viren make a marvelous team, though they've between them got an unfair advantage against him: He can't focus on either of them long enough to speak to each man's particular concerns.
It does not help, either, his Bonds pull him in two very different directions: Viren apparently mollified and tempered by this resolution and L--
L still an unsettled self-regarding bleakness that Myr imagines he will have to untangle bit by bit when he's more equipped to help with it.)]
We--are of an understanding, yes. I hear both of you. I will tell you if I've any further cause for concern about him.
[Because that seems like the most control he can have over the unraveling situation, in the moment. He rubs at his face again, pulling his turbulent emotions inward before they can stain his Bonds any further.] Maker watch over you, Viren.
Linden--do we have more to talk about? [It is not an empty question; he's just been left so unsettled himself he's not sure where to begin on this one.
Maybe by setting it down for a few hours so they can approach it anew, for the way it's gotten tangled up in L's own fears...will require delicacy.]
[L and Viren do make a good team; perhaps surprisingly so, considering how secretly adversarial L has felt toward Myr's other Bonded at various points in the past. It's to the extent that when Viren signs off, with grace, that L feels momentarily adrift, left alone with his ire and his conflict and his deep, troubling concern for Myr that is perhaps a convenient projection of his own deeply concerning situation.
Or his own deeply concerning hypocrisy, but... he'd prefer not to reflect, or dwell, or consider. Not at this time. He murmurs a quick word of parting to Viren, probably too casual for what the situation calls for, but brevity might be better at this time. There are raw things exposed prematurely; shadows he perhaps jumped at too quickly, slights that might be imagined, feelings that might be deeply hurt.
He swallows, looking away, though he knows Myr can't see him.]
[It is times like these Myr is once again reminded he does not, and cannot, live wholly for himself. The risks he runs are shared; the hole he'd leave in the lives of his beloveds not one easily--if ever--filled.]
I will, amatus. I promise you, I will.
[And he is not one to make or break promises lightly.
I will not abandon you.]
You will, as well? [Though that is, perhaps, an unfair question on his part.]
[The reminder seeps over the Bond, if only because L has required it himself, knows it like a reliable half-tame thing that canters by on occasion for an outstretched hand and a sugar cube before retreating again into mist.
It's held, and shaken, and insisted to him that a spiral into oblivion is cruel and selfish and stands to wound someone he'd rather protect from harm. Often, it's sounded like Myr, because it's been Myr, and this is the only way asking so much of him is fair at all. He needs reciprocation and reassurance; he needs to know that after forcing him to care about himself to some anemic but existent degree, Myr isn't going to end up with his ribs as some gluttonous dragon's toothpicks.
Fairness is the core of justice; fairness is a child's first awareness of that lofty notion, usually because it is lacking.
Is this a promise, or a prayer? L swallows, nods out of the ease and habit that comes with being able to emote freely around one who can't see him.]
Of course. Please rely on it.
[Trust it, the way Myr hasn't been able to in the past. Trust also that, as Light studies and dines and lives with him, calling out his uneven buttons and sparring with his hungry wit, his murderer might actually be good for him though no sane argument supports the notion.]
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Is Viren in a better position to tell Myr his kind and trusting nature is perhaps overextended to the new dragon? Perhaps... L senses, both through Myr's voice and their Bond, that he's toeing a line here given his own reckless indiscretions. Myr had warned him, and he'd acted as he would, anyway. What's to stop Myr from doing the same, and wouldn't it be justified, even if it was out of spite or retaliation?
No... those are poisoned sentiments that have no place in this Bond or this friendship. He's being uncharitable even as he acknowledges that Myr can be kind to unsavory types (like him), to a fault.
Standing down might be the classier thing to do, but he harbors his own stinging hurt. Comparing himself to this unsavory newcomer is unavoidable; Myr's soft heart, L's difficult personality, the arrogance and alleged goodness that only Myr is privy to for some special reason beyond L's understanding. Myr cherishes people, but he may also collect those in need of rehabilitation. Maybe it's compulsive; maybe Myr isn't so perfect, and maybe his Bonded aren't so special.
Yes, I will not deny that I feel as gently inclined toward him as I do nearly anyone else.
His mind is conflicted. While he believes that Myr is not retaliatory, does not calculate his emotional responses like a general on a battlefield designing a pointed strike, he knows that he himself is that way. It's great fun with someone like Light, but he doesn't actually want to hurt Myr; just soothe and dampen his own pain, reconcile it with the fact that being right about the dragon would just result in greater and deeper pain than any sharp-tongued bit of jagged wit, or haughty accusation of dimness because he wasn't in on the joke and read it as a legitimate threat toward someone he let himself care about.
He's not dim; he knows it. Mello wasn't, either, and still burned things he claimed to love when he was hurt.]
I'm with your Bonded, on this.
[Careful, tone.]
I get that you have a new project piece who needs your help to be decent.
[See, you have a weakness and an addiction, too!
...steady.]
He's shown the respect he has for lines already. I suppose it's not a matter of when he crosses one, but which one will justify rebuke. What do you consider reasonable to bet on [your new sinner, pet, wayward stray] his potential?
no subject
Oh, I'm not tiptoeing around his unique sensibilities. That would be blatant weakness, to demonstrate that we're careful to avoid escalation to anything stronger than words!
[ though he's unsure if myr's aware, he does feel like he's already relented from doing damage immediately. like he's already been generous, somehow. it has his reptilian eyes flash, has him considering his previous discussion with L — yes, take care of this while he's green. and although myr wouldn't detect it, he does resist a glance to the witch at the thought. he wonders if he should use "we," instead - alas, they may be in agreement, but viren is mindful to speak only for himself. ]
And that is precisely why I'd come to a more creative solution, but only if I must.
[ he buries that line of thought for now. even viren knows that he can't rise to the offense at every passing scent of danger, attack at every perceived slight to his ego. he feels as if some part of this conversation has warped past just discussion of the "new project piece." ]
[ but he'd have more transparently reminded myr -- that despite his weighted promises, that there shouldn't be apprehension for any of his actions (glossing over any concern for his own well-being, here — appreciated as that may be, even if a little insulting, he doesn't think it the paramount concern), should things remain civil. ]
[ he doesn't yet. for now, he's interested in hearing myr's response to that very pointed question. ]
no subject
project piece.
There's a messy undamped flash of rage from his side of their Bonds that's quickly stifled into nothingness. Count that as a hit, maybe, along with the way he audibly sets his watch down and doesn't respond for several seconds.
Breathe. Focus on breathing. Don't let this whelm you, mage. Maker and Lady, what do I do.
Maybe answer the question, even if it takes ungritting his teeth to do so.]
A little of my time, should I meet him in passing. A polite conversation or two. A handful of cunes if he's in need. Not either of you, nor Everett. Not my life, not my Bonds, not my friends, nor even the lives of strangers--I will not stake those on his potential. He is not a project piece.
[He rubs at his face with the heel of a hand, stressed enough to do it over the blindfold in an old gesture he thought he'd trained himself out of.]
I don't want to be treated like I don't know what I've gotten myself into. [His voice is very quiet. (Liability.)] I didn't want you borrowing trouble from this creature over just his words. He could have killed me in the nightmare and didn't. He might still turn on any of us and I'm grateful-- I am blessed beyond measure to have you both looking out for that.
Just...don't start that any sooner than it must be. That's all.
no subject
In his meanest, most jealous and furious moment, L wouldn't ever suggest harming Myr intentionally. Maybe the notion of devouring hits close to home; maybe he's had nightmares of waking from a self-annihilating fugue state to find himself covered in someone else's blood, or returning to his ice-glazed subconscious to discover that the roaming Leviathan has left only a set of antlers tangled in the ragged weeds.
In his meanest, most jealous and furious moments, perhaps intentional harm isn't even necessary. Perhaps L's chronic determination to prove that everyone who gets to know him comes to despise him is enough to persist in wounding his Bonded blithely and constantly. Perhaps he's firing on all cylinders at someone else while quietly gnawing at bones of his own that he refuses to acknowledge.
Perhaps he's overthinking it. Perhaps it's too late to think about it, at all, at least in any kind of constructive matter; he wonders as much, especially when he feels that roil of anger from Myr's side of the Bond, indicating that he's struck a nerve as cleanly and cruelly as if he'd been aiming for it. Was he?
You've done enough, you know...
His gaze briefly meets Viren's, then glances away, as Myr humors him bitterly by answering. Kindness, then; just simple kindness, assuming the best without taking from others or completely throwing caution to the wind. At least, that is the intention, now. Creative solutions, L has a taste and an appreciation for; simple kindness is something he still perceives as profound, even unsettling, too much to ask for from a stranger and pushing it, to ask for from a friend. It still isn't something he expects, which might be another reason Lahabrea offends him: monsters, after all, should know what they are, and realize the boundaries of their entitlement.]
It started when you believed he could have killed you in the nightmare.
[That sure is a strange way to say "I understand and I trust you." It's a testament to how much Lahabrea has shaken L that what he meant to say doesn't resemble what he did say in the least, and it's not even the first time, today.]
If you're inspired to gamble any more than you staked, I won't borrow trouble. I'll take it, and risk having to apologize over having no one around to hear it.
[He's fairly sure he'll have help; likely from Myr's Bonded, certainly from his Witch, who is a boon to him so long as they are united against some outside target and not each other.]
no subject
[ viren only pauses due to one more instance — as l's promise is striking enough that it warrants reflection (because the other man's thinking isn't necessarily incorrect: that particular risk tends to be a compelling in enlisting viren's help). ]
[ eventually, there's an audible exhale from the dragon. ]
I'm glad we're of an understanding.
[ he remarks, solely on account of his own perspective. ]
Then, because I don't think I need to repeat myself — [ in vocalizing where his priorities lie, particularly; some people do need to be reminded multiple times, after all ] — I'll leave you two. I have some work that needs attending to.
no subject
Continuing to argue here won't win him anything, though he does make a breath of a noise--a start of a word--like he'd carry the fight against both of them. Then the breath sighs from his lungs, unused. (A small, dimly amused part of him notes that L and Viren make a marvelous team, though they've between them got an unfair advantage against him: He can't focus on either of them long enough to speak to each man's particular concerns.
It does not help, either, his Bonds pull him in two very different directions: Viren apparently mollified and tempered by this resolution and L--
L still an unsettled self-regarding bleakness that Myr imagines he will have to untangle bit by bit when he's more equipped to help with it.)]
We--are of an understanding, yes. I hear both of you. I will tell you if I've any further cause for concern about him.
[Because that seems like the most control he can have over the unraveling situation, in the moment. He rubs at his face again, pulling his turbulent emotions inward before they can stain his Bonds any further.] Maker watch over you, Viren.
Linden--do we have more to talk about? [It is not an empty question; he's just been left so unsettled himself he's not sure where to begin on this one.
Maybe by setting it down for a few hours so they can approach it anew, for the way it's gotten tangled up in L's own fears...will require delicacy.]
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Or his own deeply concerning hypocrisy, but... he'd prefer not to reflect, or dwell, or consider. Not at this time. He murmurs a quick word of parting to Viren, probably too casual for what the situation calls for, but brevity might be better at this time. There are raw things exposed prematurely; shadows he perhaps jumped at too quickly, slights that might be imagined, feelings that might be deeply hurt.
He swallows, looking away, though he knows Myr can't see him.]
I think... another time, perhaps.
[Sorry.]
You'll be safe?
[I hope. Please.]
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I will, amatus. I promise you, I will.
[And he is not one to make or break promises lightly.
I will not abandon you.]
You will, as well? [Though that is, perhaps, an unfair question on his part.]
no subject
It's held, and shaken, and insisted to him that a spiral into oblivion is cruel and selfish and stands to wound someone he'd rather protect from harm. Often, it's sounded like Myr, because it's been Myr, and this is the only way asking so much of him is fair at all. He needs reciprocation and reassurance; he needs to know that after forcing him to care about himself to some anemic but existent degree, Myr isn't going to end up with his ribs as some gluttonous dragon's toothpicks.
Fairness is the core of justice; fairness is a child's first awareness of that lofty notion, usually because it is lacking.
Is this a promise, or a prayer? L swallows, nods out of the ease and habit that comes with being able to emote freely around one who can't see him.]
Of course. Please rely on it.
[Trust it, the way Myr hasn't been able to in the past. Trust also that, as Light studies and dines and lives with him, calling out his uneven buttons and sparring with his hungry wit, his murderer might actually be good for him though no sane argument supports the notion.]