"What you don't know comes from ignorance, not stupidity. You're learning. Now that it's something you want to explore, I'm sure you'll learn it as quickly as you do a lot of other things. You shouldn't be ashamed of the revelations anymore than I'm ashamed of not knowing as much magic as most of the population."
L isn't stupid. To call L stupid is just as insulting to Light as it is to L. After all, he's the first person who's managed to make Light work for any kind of victory. As frustrating as it is, it's equally, if not more so, invigorating.
"It's something you should be careful as you navigate. Some people like casual relationships, but it means more to other people. You should be ready for the attachment that comes with it if it's the latter case."
Says the man who dated so many women at once. He wasn't sleeping with him. Misa is the perfect example of someone who becomes overly attached.
"Unless it's with Myr, I haven't seen you bring other people home."
One of L's brows raises very slightly; coming from anyone, it might sound condescending. Coming from an 18-year-old is... perhaps more so. Rather than let it bother him, L considers how to use it, as he always has when others underestimate him or consider him in some way naive or ignorant. It can be powerful; it can be a tool. At the very least, it can be a surprise, because under the SQUIP's tutelage, he was in fact a quick study, and is probably in a position to teach Light something.
Absurd notion. More absurd that it occurred to him, however passingly, but maybe it shouldn't surprise him. A person doesn't have to be hyper-sexual to register others around him and consider their fitness as potential partners, even if the process is mostly subconscious. Even if, in L's case, a follow-through is rare; he is a bleak realist, regarding his own fitness, and aware that most do not consider him a sexual being. Both of his partners had many points on him in terms of physical attractiveness; both were also somewhat extenuating circumstances, considering one was a supercomputer in optimized human form and the other was an obsessed idol-worshiper pushed to a breaking point.
"I navigate very little without care," he says pointedly. "Casual relationships aren't of much interest to me, which is why I prefer to devote my energy to my Bonds. As I mentioned before, it's not uncommon for people in Bonds to engage each other in other ways, including physically, but it's by no means a requirement or even an expectation."
Vague; perhaps to be expected. L's relationship with Myr is complicated and requires thought and aching effort. L brings many uninvited companions to their shared bed: melancholy, guilt, the crushing sense of being broken or unfinished, inadequate, not good enough. He feels that he is likely an object of pity, on a good day, rather than one of desire, and that Myr has seen him at his most vulnerable and compromised can't exactly help matters.
Like after Mello.
Though he's successfully etherized himself to the last time he slept with someone, to an extent, he can't quite keep a dark, cold shudder from snaking along the chain binding them in the form of the Bond. Light can't not notice it, and it requires some kind of explanation. Rather than insult Light by forcing him to ask, L speaks.
"I haven't been with anyone that way since last winter. As such experiences go, it was cumulatively a negative one, and other priorities have diverted my thoughts from acquiring more experiences, since."
A relatively sterile explanation, all things considered. Myr gets to see L vulnerable and compromised; Light is unlikely to be afforded the privilege, Bond notwithstanding.
It's very important to know how to pick the right battles. While many would think Light is someone who needs to know everything, he's much too skilled to ask the wrong questions at the wrong time. A negative sexual experience would just be someone bad at the act, which could bring either awkwardness or even discomfort. It could mean someone became too attached and refused to simply let go. As someone interested in crime, there's a darker avenue it may take. Either way, Light knows this isn't a question to pursue, not in terms of specifics. Maybe someday, maybe never. L had a bad encounter, and it's stunted any current interest. That doesn't erase curiosity. Who was it? Light knows it wasn't Myr; their relationship isn't very good. Perhaps it was a one night stand, perhaps it's someone who isn't in his life anymore.
Perhaps it's Niles, despite the feeling Light has.
"I see the logic of adding it to bonds. Sex can be casual for some people, but it's intimate for most. So are the bonds. One involves sharing your body, and the other involves sharing your mind in a way that goes beyond talking. If affection isn't involved in the beginning, there's a high chance it becomes involved. If you're physically attracted and available, there's nothing left."
By the sound of things, L isn't currently available.
"I'm not going to ask details about your experience, but I do need to know one thing: the person, are they dangerous?"
Picking battles is a careful balance and a delicate dance. They both know as much, if only from their time in close quarters during the investigation. Now that their time together is voluntary, and their Bond chosen for all that it tramples the usual boundaries a human could reasonably rely on, it's something both of them may have to adjust their understanding of. They might find themselves engaged in a battle that started before they realized it had; they might find themselves winning or losing a battle that had been quietly underway for days or weeks.
"Yes," he replies, all smoke and mirrors banished in favor of a strangely clear and honest answer. It would be true even if Mello hadn't turned that tendency in his direction. "Very dangerous... but they departed this world before spring. This isn't a present concern, certainly not one you need to worry about."
L's words aren't obfuscating on the surface, but they're still carefully chosen, as is typical for him. He hasn't given a name, or even a sex. He's juxtaposed "very dangerous" with something Light doesn't "need to worry about." He's expressed that the situation isn't relevant to Light, while changing his habits over many months in a way to indicate that it's still very much relevant to him.
"You're correct, though. Regarding Bonds. Even if affection was minimal, at the onset... it's likely to deepen over time. While Bonds give you insight into the darkest and weakest parts of a person, the opposite is also true, and the result can be exquisite understanding. It's perhaps the closest thing to true empathy a mind is able to experience."
Even this conversation, about a man who really is gone from this world, is like a dance. L moves in graceful and particular ways, leaving the viewer, or listener, to interpret. Light's good at that.
No gender. L wouldn't be someone who cared overly much if he were gay or straight. Perhaps Light is wrong about that. It isn't like he's had time to create a profile for L in this category as he'd assumed there was no sexual interest. So, it's to keep the identity hidden. As if the slight detail would be enough, even if logically, that's impossible. As skilled as Light may be, he can't take gender alone and correctly identify a person.
This wasn't just an awkward experience. 'Negative' is still a broad category, but it was obviously more than someone who failed in sex.
"I won't ask for details, but I'll ask one thing: if they return, let me know."
Light asks, but he isn't sure the request will be granted. It's obviously something L holds close to his chest, and the older man isn't prone to sharing.
"You're saying they're only not a concern because they're gone. If they come back, they're dangerous, and someone dangerous to one person is dangerous to a lot of people."
Mello had wounded L, delivered a crushing blow to the fragile trust they'd established as a Bonded pair, and dismally failed a crucial test... and yet, L's reasons for keeping his identity as vague as possible have everything to do with a continued desire to protect him. If he ever comes back, L wants as little to do with him as possible, not foolish enough to offer him a Bond again... but not vindictive enough to hope that he meets ruin at the hands of an adversary that had ultimately ended both of them, in their world.
Of course, it goes without saying that his current priorities have gone beyond "selfish", now that he's Bonded to that adversary.
"Naturally," he replies, as though the track leading to that conclusion was a straight and uncomplicated one, and "this individual" would pose a threat to everyone as equally as he did to L, instead of disproportionately to that black and hateful grudge toward Kira's confirmed identity. "I wouldn't keep you in the dark about their potential return; to have a Bond is to protect your Bond, or... at least that's how it's meant to go."
A tiny breadcrumb of a hint, should Light choose to pursue it. Someone could certainly tell him who L's former Bonds were, and with only two before Myr, that didn't leave many suspects.
There's one loose end, of course. Near is likely to protect Mello over Light, regardless of the blond's crimes. L has little doubt that Near's general cool indifference to his predecessor extends that far.
With any luck, this will never become an issue. Perhaps if Mello returns without his memories of his time here, it would be safer... but if he's gone down that path before, it stands to reason that he could, again.
"Something to keep in mind, when you find a monster you could see yourself Bonding with."
Not that L wants to share, but he'd rather share than deal with Light exploding.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
L isn't stupid. To call L stupid is just as insulting to Light as it is to L. After all, he's the first person who's managed to make Light work for any kind of victory. As frustrating as it is, it's equally, if not more so, invigorating.
"It's something you should be careful as you navigate. Some people like casual relationships, but it means more to other people. You should be ready for the attachment that comes with it if it's the latter case."
Says the man who dated so many women at once. He wasn't sleeping with him. Misa is the perfect example of someone who becomes overly attached.
"Unless it's with Myr, I haven't seen you bring other people home."
no subject
Absurd notion. More absurd that it occurred to him, however passingly, but maybe it shouldn't surprise him. A person doesn't have to be hyper-sexual to register others around him and consider their fitness as potential partners, even if the process is mostly subconscious. Even if, in L's case, a follow-through is rare; he is a bleak realist, regarding his own fitness, and aware that most do not consider him a sexual being. Both of his partners had many points on him in terms of physical attractiveness; both were also somewhat extenuating circumstances, considering one was a supercomputer in optimized human form and the other was an obsessed idol-worshiper pushed to a breaking point.
"I navigate very little without care," he says pointedly. "Casual relationships aren't of much interest to me, which is why I prefer to devote my energy to my Bonds. As I mentioned before, it's not uncommon for people in Bonds to engage each other in other ways, including physically, but it's by no means a requirement or even an expectation."
Vague; perhaps to be expected. L's relationship with Myr is complicated and requires thought and aching effort. L brings many uninvited companions to their shared bed: melancholy, guilt, the crushing sense of being broken or unfinished, inadequate, not good enough. He feels that he is likely an object of pity, on a good day, rather than one of desire, and that Myr has seen him at his most vulnerable and compromised can't exactly help matters.
Like after Mello.
Though he's successfully etherized himself to the last time he slept with someone, to an extent, he can't quite keep a dark, cold shudder from snaking along the chain binding them in the form of the Bond. Light can't not notice it, and it requires some kind of explanation. Rather than insult Light by forcing him to ask, L speaks.
"I haven't been with anyone that way since last winter. As such experiences go, it was cumulatively a negative one, and other priorities have diverted my thoughts from acquiring more experiences, since."
A relatively sterile explanation, all things considered. Myr gets to see L vulnerable and compromised; Light is unlikely to be afforded the privilege, Bond notwithstanding.
no subject
Perhaps it's Niles, despite the feeling Light has.
"I see the logic of adding it to bonds. Sex can be casual for some people, but it's intimate for most. So are the bonds. One involves sharing your body, and the other involves sharing your mind in a way that goes beyond talking. If affection isn't involved in the beginning, there's a high chance it becomes involved. If you're physically attracted and available, there's nothing left."
By the sound of things, L isn't currently available.
"I'm not going to ask details about your experience, but I do need to know one thing: the person, are they dangerous?"
no subject
"Yes," he replies, all smoke and mirrors banished in favor of a strangely clear and honest answer. It would be true even if Mello hadn't turned that tendency in his direction. "Very dangerous... but they departed this world before spring. This isn't a present concern, certainly not one you need to worry about."
L's words aren't obfuscating on the surface, but they're still carefully chosen, as is typical for him. He hasn't given a name, or even a sex. He's juxtaposed "very dangerous" with something Light doesn't "need to worry about." He's expressed that the situation isn't relevant to Light, while changing his habits over many months in a way to indicate that it's still very much relevant to him.
"You're correct, though. Regarding Bonds. Even if affection was minimal, at the onset... it's likely to deepen over time. While Bonds give you insight into the darkest and weakest parts of a person, the opposite is also true, and the result can be exquisite understanding. It's perhaps the closest thing to true empathy a mind is able to experience."
no subject
No gender. L wouldn't be someone who cared overly much if he were gay or straight. Perhaps Light is wrong about that. It isn't like he's had time to create a profile for L in this category as he'd assumed there was no sexual interest. So, it's to keep the identity hidden. As if the slight detail would be enough, even if logically, that's impossible. As skilled as Light may be, he can't take gender alone and correctly identify a person.
This wasn't just an awkward experience. 'Negative' is still a broad category, but it was obviously more than someone who failed in sex.
"I won't ask for details, but I'll ask one thing: if they return, let me know."
Light asks, but he isn't sure the request will be granted. It's obviously something L holds close to his chest, and the older man isn't prone to sharing.
"You're saying they're only not a concern because they're gone. If they come back, they're dangerous, and someone dangerous to one person is dangerous to a lot of people."
no subject
Of course, it goes without saying that his current priorities have gone beyond "selfish", now that he's Bonded to that adversary.
"Naturally," he replies, as though the track leading to that conclusion was a straight and uncomplicated one, and "this individual" would pose a threat to everyone as equally as he did to L, instead of disproportionately to that black and hateful grudge toward Kira's confirmed identity. "I wouldn't keep you in the dark about their potential return; to have a Bond is to protect your Bond, or... at least that's how it's meant to go."
A tiny breadcrumb of a hint, should Light choose to pursue it. Someone could certainly tell him who L's former Bonds were, and with only two before Myr, that didn't leave many suspects.
There's one loose end, of course. Near is likely to protect Mello over Light, regardless of the blond's crimes. L has little doubt that Near's general cool indifference to his predecessor extends that far.
With any luck, this will never become an issue. Perhaps if Mello returns without his memories of his time here, it would be safer... but if he's gone down that path before, it stands to reason that he could, again.
"Something to keep in mind, when you find a monster you could see yourself Bonding with."
Not that L wants to share, but he'd rather share than deal with Light exploding.