[The problem is: Mello understands things on an objective level. He knows, L knows, that they're all so well-versed in psychology that they could easily pose danger if warranted. What do they say?]
[The best doctors make the worst patients.]
And I don't want to hurt you.
[No more than he has, at least. No. No.. L consented. L invited him. Why does it all feel so wrong?]
Warn him. That's how you protect him. If he chooses to go against that, the outcome will not be my responsibility.
[Oh, if L could see how tight his knuckles are. If L could see how his teeth are clenched together, how tense his shoulders are.]
If you wanted to see me, you would have come.
You keep asking me what I want in one way or another. What do you want?
[That's the million dollar question, isn't it? What does L want?
He struggles with this. Every single day, while juggling transient living, a blissfully connected Bond, and a ruthless, relentless stalker who has promised nothing but a world of misery on the detective at some uncertain point.
And somewhere, of course, Mello fits into all of it. Mello would prefer to be the focal point, but as always, the nucleus of L's universe is not always the most demanding or the most devoted. Especially these days, when his universe is so much larger than a padded room with a computer on the floor.]
I want to leave something better than I found it. I don't know that I ever truly have, especially where my successors are concerned. Staying away might be the best thing I can do for any of you.
[And oh, that stings. L doesn't want anything that Mello has to offer, does he? He's not in awe of his beauty. He's not proud of his intelligence. He's not ... interested. Isn't that what it all comes down to? What they did -- what they should never do again -- wasn't enjoyable for either of them. It was painful: psychologically and physically. And Mello isn't fucking gay. He'll die with that on his tongue.]
I'll give it to you.
You ceased to matter the moment we received the news. I used your name as an excuse to fight my own war. N took your title. You were a casualty. Turned out none of us needed you. Mr. Wammy was the one responsible for our education. You were an example. Roger was the enforcer. You were a ghost.
[Casualty, example, ghost. All correct titles, certainly, for a man who was never really a person to more than an incomplete handful.
If he was offered the chance to go back to his room, even with the provision that he could never physically set foot outside of it again, it might be a welcome existence. A sanctuary, of sorts, from the sorts of demands that come with personhood. No one really minds a monster, especially a useful one, so long as it's contained.]
[To respond, at this point, would only invite more turmoil.
He'll surely let Myr know that there is danger, as well as what Mello has threatened even if he chooses not to be quite as specific about it. It's one more problem spun into a tangled web that only gets more treacherous. Normally, L would be in his element, and has been, even when other former successors were involved... but that was years ago, while some pieces of him still remained unfaded and unshredded.
Best to come up with a plan, devoted to keeping them apart at all costs.]
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no subject
[The best doctors make the worst patients.]
And I don't want to hurt you.
[No more than he has, at least. No. No.. L consented. L invited him. Why does it all feel so wrong?]
Warn him. That's how you protect him. If he chooses to go against that, the outcome will not be my responsibility.
[Oh, if L could see how tight his knuckles are. If L could see how his teeth are clenched together, how tense his shoulders are.]
If you wanted to see me, you would have come.
You keep asking me what I want in one way or another.
What do you want?
no subject
He struggles with this. Every single day, while juggling transient living, a blissfully connected Bond, and a ruthless, relentless stalker who has promised nothing but a world of misery on the detective at some uncertain point.
And somewhere, of course, Mello fits into all of it. Mello would prefer to be the focal point, but as always, the nucleus of L's universe is not always the most demanding or the most devoted. Especially these days, when his universe is so much larger than a padded room with a computer on the floor.]
I want to leave something better than I found it. I don't know that I ever truly have, especially where my successors are concerned. Staying away might be the best thing I can do for any of you.
no subject
[And oh, that stings. L doesn't want anything that Mello has to offer, does he? He's not in awe of his beauty. He's not proud of his intelligence. He's not ... interested. Isn't that what it all comes down to? What they did -- what they should never do again -- wasn't enjoyable for either of them. It was painful: psychologically and physically. And Mello isn't fucking gay. He'll die with that on his tongue.]
I'll give it to you.
You ceased to matter the moment we received the news. I used your name as an excuse to fight my own war. N took your title. You were a casualty. Turned out none of us needed you. Mr. Wammy was the one responsible for our education. You were an example. Roger was the enforcer. You were a ghost.
Are you absolved?
no subject
If he was offered the chance to go back to his room, even with the provision that he could never physically set foot outside of it again, it might be a welcome existence. A sanctuary, of sorts, from the sorts of demands that come with personhood. No one really minds a monster, especially a useful one, so long as it's contained.]
I can say that I understand you more clearly.
no subject
I'll donate your money for housing. I want nothing from you.
[Catty? Yes. Genuine? At the moment: yes.]
If the Doe ever harms you in any way, I'll behead him.
Make him aware.
[And with that? Mello's going silent. For now. Maybe forever. If L contacts him, they'll just return to this, won't they?]
no subject
He'll surely let Myr know that there is danger, as well as what Mello has threatened even if he chooses not to be quite as specific about it. It's one more problem spun into a tangled web that only gets more treacherous. Normally, L would be in his element, and has been, even when other former successors were involved... but that was years ago, while some pieces of him still remained unfaded and unshredded.
Best to come up with a plan, devoted to keeping them apart at all costs.]