faithlikeaseed: (blind - upset)
Myrobalan Shivana ([personal profile] faithlikeaseed) wrote in [personal profile] hearthebell 2020-05-08 05:40 am (UTC)

[Truth--however difficult, however painful--has ever been Myr's policy for their Bond. Even with himself, for all he is inclined to turning his inward gaze from whatever he should not feel, could not contemplate--because whether he would share it or no, L would ferret it out of him. Easier, then, and more honest (and more freeing) to say what it was he felt and thought from the start. Even if old habits still made him hedge it 'round with charity and gentleness, he has given L the truth--

But what is he to do when the truth is insufficient, when speaking it has driven his Bonded to panic and disbelief? He draws his head back, ears lowering, clearly and utterly stymied at L's insistence. Does he want this? Does he earnestly believe I want this? There is no feeling out the delicate threads of underlying motivation and reasoning when fear chokes their Bond to strangling. He can only lean on the patterns he has learned through half a year of sharing a heart with the detective; he can only remind himself that left unguided, all L's paths spiral in toward the Void.

It frightens him to be face-to-face with that once more; it is a fright that beats double-time with the pulse of L's own, demanding action: Confront it or run.

Myr takes a slow breath to quiet his racing pulse.
]

And what, [softly, achingly controlled,] if that does not feel like love to me?

You are my Witch. My dear friend, my beloved. I need you and want you by my side. Leaving me isn't in my best interest and, [his tone rises, his ears flattening back in a stag's assertion,] throwing yourself away isn't penance.

[Silence follows, stretches on the space of three breaths as Myr masters himself.

When he speaks again it's so quiet as to demand attention:
]

No life was ever redeemed by destroying it, L Lawliet.

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