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Self-destructive behavior. Questionable choices in regards to your own safety.
[If he's not careful, it will sound as if he cares.]
I don't know Alex. She has no reason to listen to me. Mello can deal with her. You're deflecting again.
[If he's not careful, it will sound as if he cares.]
I don't know Alex. She has no reason to listen to me. Mello can deal with her. You're deflecting again.
["What else would you call what I've been working to build with him?"
One--mercy--of Myr's current mood is that as exposed as it leaves him, as bleeding-raw as he is, it's also stripped away so many of his filters and so much of the mannerly pretense he's accustomed to handling life with. Is that a good thing, when L loves him for his gentleness and apparent innocence?]
A fantasy built on a lie. [Bluntly put.] If you believe him worth saving, Linden, save him. Don't continue to act as if you're ignorant of the path he's on.
[He can feel through the Bond that this is slipping out of his hands despite his efforts. Damned for not having tried sooner, before the Evergreen Circle and the mess they'd made, of Aefenglom (and indirectly, of him). If he'd just had all his faculties about him he could argue this persuasively, he could--
He stiffens as L reaches for him with hand and magic. What's ordinarily welcome in this context suddenly becomes loathsome, threatening, and he lashes out to grab his Witch's hand without thinking. Catches it at the wrist with a grip not quite hard enough to push the bones together.
It takes him a moment--a shocked, betrayed, awful moment--to find his voice; his words are ice and iron.]
Don't.
[Crookytail, disturbed by L's movements and the tone of Myr's voice, slithers off the Witch's lap in an abrupt retreat.]
Do not start that. You are drugged and I do not give you permission for it.
[How horribly like this is to those men or women who take a Faun for an easy opportunity, nearly desperate in their drunken need.
(How horribly like it is to a Naga creeping into his house and touching his mind without his consent. Don't dwell on that.)]
One--mercy--of Myr's current mood is that as exposed as it leaves him, as bleeding-raw as he is, it's also stripped away so many of his filters and so much of the mannerly pretense he's accustomed to handling life with. Is that a good thing, when L loves him for his gentleness and apparent innocence?]
A fantasy built on a lie. [Bluntly put.] If you believe him worth saving, Linden, save him. Don't continue to act as if you're ignorant of the path he's on.
[He can feel through the Bond that this is slipping out of his hands despite his efforts. Damned for not having tried sooner, before the Evergreen Circle and the mess they'd made, of Aefenglom (and indirectly, of him). If he'd just had all his faculties about him he could argue this persuasively, he could--
He stiffens as L reaches for him with hand and magic. What's ordinarily welcome in this context suddenly becomes loathsome, threatening, and he lashes out to grab his Witch's hand without thinking. Catches it at the wrist with a grip not quite hard enough to push the bones together.
It takes him a moment--a shocked, betrayed, awful moment--to find his voice; his words are ice and iron.]
Don't.
[Crookytail, disturbed by L's movements and the tone of Myr's voice, slithers off the Witch's lap in an abrupt retreat.]
Do not start that. You are drugged and I do not give you permission for it.
[How horribly like this is to those men or women who take a Faun for an easy opportunity, nearly desperate in their drunken need.
(How horribly like it is to a Naga creeping into his house and touching his mind without his consent. Don't dwell on that.)]
[Jarringly, it does sort of sound like that. L's not sure if he finds it comforting or upsetting, mostly because he does believe that it can't possibly be real, coming from Near.
He puts the kettle on.]
The outcome is my first priority, and I'll do what it takes to accomplish that.
He puts the kettle on.]
The outcome is my first priority, and I'll do what it takes to accomplish that.
[Myr, tragically, doesn't understand. He doesn't see that ideologically, there is no way to reconcile their philosophies, no way to bring Kira over to L's side, or vice-versa. He can't save Light, and he can't feel his extremities particularly well.
The urging, though, to save, only makes him more determined to reach for what he can access, and control, and salvage. He can do some good here, he can reconcile this, make it whole, channel everything into a worthy endeavor.
It takes him a moment to process what's happened, when it has. There's a sharp, severing crack as the connection he attempts breaks harshly. He's not in Myr's mind, but leaden-limbed and stunned in his chair. The wormipede has absconded, and his Bonded is furious.
He can only stare in frozen silence for a few moments, eyes wide. No longer impeded by the wormipede, he tries to root his feet to the floor and pull away, but he's weighted down, and no less anxious.]
S-sorry. I...
[Could he teleport? He doesn't have the coordination or the focus for it, so... no.]
I shouldn't have touched you.
[His wisp of a touch, but they both know what that can mean at the delicate fingertips of a diviner. Even so, he shouldn't touch Myr, should he? It's not for him, not where his assigned niche permits him to go.
Myr should leave, he realizes. Myr should go. He can make that happen if he's enough of a callous monster, can't he? No, he can't kick Crookytail, but...something else? Something petty and terrible and irredeemable, to balance the equation?]
Go. Now, go...
[It benefits both of them. Maybe it's enough.]
The urging, though, to save, only makes him more determined to reach for what he can access, and control, and salvage. He can do some good here, he can reconcile this, make it whole, channel everything into a worthy endeavor.
It takes him a moment to process what's happened, when it has. There's a sharp, severing crack as the connection he attempts breaks harshly. He's not in Myr's mind, but leaden-limbed and stunned in his chair. The wormipede has absconded, and his Bonded is furious.
He can only stare in frozen silence for a few moments, eyes wide. No longer impeded by the wormipede, he tries to root his feet to the floor and pull away, but he's weighted down, and no less anxious.]
S-sorry. I...
[Could he teleport? He doesn't have the coordination or the focus for it, so... no.]
I shouldn't have touched you.
[His wisp of a touch, but they both know what that can mean at the delicate fingertips of a diviner. Even so, he shouldn't touch Myr, should he? It's not for him, not where his assigned niche permits him to go.
Myr should leave, he realizes. Myr should go. He can make that happen if he's enough of a callous monster, can't he? No, he can't kick Crookytail, but...something else? Something petty and terrible and irredeemable, to balance the equation?]
Go. Now, go...
[It benefits both of them. Maybe it's enough.]
[So, this is where his pushing gets him.
Myr lets go finger-by-finger as his Witch pulls away from him, sitting further back in something that's nearly a slump. The flash of fury is gone as quickly as it materialized--it is hard for him to maintain that--and leaves only a hollow shell that disintegrates as L's tone turns sharp.
He recognizes this pattern: They have done this before, when L feels unworthiness and insecurity rising to choke him. The Bond pushes at him to leave with the same inexorable force the moons have over his mood and thoughts, the force that bids him to not resist or suffer worse for it.
But getting up and walking away requires an action and he cannot find it in himself to move.]
And if I leave you, where do I go? [It's Myr's turn to sound lost--to sound abandoned. Yes, he has his other Bonded for comfort, but L is his only Witch. L's the one he entrusted his sanity to, who promised him that he'd fix things, that he is fixable even when Myr believed otherwise.
But L would also have him live party to a lie until that lie destroyed itself.] What do I do?
I trust you. You promised you'd help.
Myr lets go finger-by-finger as his Witch pulls away from him, sitting further back in something that's nearly a slump. The flash of fury is gone as quickly as it materialized--it is hard for him to maintain that--and leaves only a hollow shell that disintegrates as L's tone turns sharp.
He recognizes this pattern: They have done this before, when L feels unworthiness and insecurity rising to choke him. The Bond pushes at him to leave with the same inexorable force the moons have over his mood and thoughts, the force that bids him to not resist or suffer worse for it.
But getting up and walking away requires an action and he cannot find it in himself to move.]
And if I leave you, where do I go? [It's Myr's turn to sound lost--to sound abandoned. Yes, he has his other Bonded for comfort, but L is his only Witch. L's the one he entrusted his sanity to, who promised him that he'd fix things, that he is fixable even when Myr believed otherwise.
But L would also have him live party to a lie until that lie destroyed itself.] What do I do?
I trust you. You promised you'd help.
[The Bond has, indeed, swiftly become something pressing and claustrophobic, stifling and difficult to inhabit. L's hands curl inward, wrists crossing over his ribs when Myr lets him go. There's no spryness or agility after he drank whatever he put together with the arrogance of one who never thought precision in potions was worth as much study as the other arts, the ones that get him in trouble just as well.
A rhythmic chant reverberates in his skull, when Myr asks where he goes after this.
Anywhere, but here. Anywhere, but--
He grips the sleeve of his jacket in his clenched fist, which doesn't actually close all that tightly.]
Go?
[Softer, pleading.]
I'll figure something out.
[I have a plan, I have a design, I have a list of other witches, because who does he think he is? At the present moment, he has no clear ideas, just knows that he will do and say anything to get Myr out that door. And why not today, when everything has gone to hell, anyway? Why not burn it all to the ground, now that fire incarnate himself has returned to Aefenglom.
He glances at the prone, soft, vulnerable wormipede. No; he still can't do it. He still can't quite go that far or that unconscionably ruthless.]
A rhythmic chant reverberates in his skull, when Myr asks where he goes after this.
Anywhere, but here. Anywhere, but--
He grips the sleeve of his jacket in his clenched fist, which doesn't actually close all that tightly.]
Go?
[Softer, pleading.]
I'll figure something out.
[I have a plan, I have a design, I have a list of other witches, because who does he think he is? At the present moment, he has no clear ideas, just knows that he will do and say anything to get Myr out that door. And why not today, when everything has gone to hell, anyway? Why not burn it all to the ground, now that fire incarnate himself has returned to Aefenglom.
He glances at the prone, soft, vulnerable wormipede. No; he still can't do it. He still can't quite go that far or that unconscionably ruthless.]
Edited 2021-03-03 05:22 (UTC)
Will you?
[The question's small and despairing. Myr still hasn't found it in himself to get up, though he has begun to take hold of his presence in the Bond and pull it back in. It seems so clear to him that whatever this is he's become in the wake of Jin Guangyao's meddling, it's too much for L to bear (and who would be surprised at that, if even Myr finds himself unbearable to be around).]
Please say you'll do something for whatever it is you've taken, [he adds, after a moment; he can feel it dragging at L's limbs, even now. It frightens him, as so much of this does, though the fear seems distant and receding as everything now is.]
--Crookytail, come. [She leaves off a study of whether L's lap might be safe to return to and creeps over to her Faun, nudging her head under his hand.]
[The question's small and despairing. Myr still hasn't found it in himself to get up, though he has begun to take hold of his presence in the Bond and pull it back in. It seems so clear to him that whatever this is he's become in the wake of Jin Guangyao's meddling, it's too much for L to bear (and who would be surprised at that, if even Myr finds himself unbearable to be around).]
Please say you'll do something for whatever it is you've taken, [he adds, after a moment; he can feel it dragging at L's limbs, even now. It frightens him, as so much of this does, though the fear seems distant and receding as everything now is.]
--Crookytail, come. [She leaves off a study of whether L's lap might be safe to return to and creeps over to her Faun, nudging her head under his hand.]
I will.
[L's answer is swift, almost automatic, a multi-tasking response to two requests. He hasn't thought through what he's going to do, of course; Myr's problem is complex, and the potion will wear off eventually, as all of them do. It'll ebb, and retreat, and disappear, as everything does.
Go far away from here.]
Try not to worry, it... solves nothing. It's all taken care of, anyway.
[Might as well go in for the bunch, if he's lying today. He intends to follow through; might, in fact, if there's another person tomorrow who will give him the time of day.]
Safe travels, on your way back.
[L's answer is swift, almost automatic, a multi-tasking response to two requests. He hasn't thought through what he's going to do, of course; Myr's problem is complex, and the potion will wear off eventually, as all of them do. It'll ebb, and retreat, and disappear, as everything does.
Go far away from here.]
Try not to worry, it... solves nothing. It's all taken care of, anyway.
[Might as well go in for the bunch, if he's lying today. He intends to follow through; might, in fact, if there's another person tomorrow who will give him the time of day.]
Safe travels, on your way back.
[Myr shakes his head in mute denial at the idea any of this is taken care of--but cannot find the words, and perhaps should not find the words to voice it.
He gets to his hooves with Crookytail's help.]
Maker walk with you, amatus.
[Over-formal. But someone needs to, and L won't let it be Myr.]
He gets to his hooves with Crookytail's help.]
Maker walk with you, amatus.
[Over-formal. But someone needs to, and L won't let it be Myr.]
You'll have to forgive me if I'm not comforted by a reworded 'the end justifies the means' statement in this scenario.
Unsurprising. Neither of us are particularly adept at giving or receiving comfort.
If you want to help, answer Mello's questions and keep him from getting bored, with the exception of precisely one subject.
[Near is free to make L sound as boring as he wants.]
If you want to help, answer Mello's questions and keep him from getting bored, with the exception of precisely one subject.
[Near is free to make L sound as boring as he wants.]
I can only promise the first part.
[Though of course he isn't going to say anything he shouldn't.]
Don't do anything that can't be undone.
[Though of course he isn't going to say anything he shouldn't.]
Don't do anything that can't be undone.
Making a decision and acting on it often results in at least something that cannot be undone.
Your point, however, is understood.
Your point, however, is understood.
Good.
I don't want to be angry with you later.
I don't want to be angry with you later.
You'd be in good company, if you were, I'm certain.
[He is pissing off everyone today.]
[He is pissing off everyone today.]
You've expressed a desire for comfort and encouragement in the same day. As with the former, I have some bad news about the latter.
[Some days he's unsure how L even lived as long as he had.]
You will check in with me tomorrow.
[It's not a request.]
You will check in with me tomorrow.
[It's not a request.]
[The camera points down the long polished bar table of Frisky's Feline Fantasies. M is there, same scowl on a new face, the motion blur on his hands indicate that he's serving out shots to a large group in rapid fire.]
You send him to me on purpose?
You send him to me on purpose?
No.
[The response isn't immediate. L needs time to think about every single recent development, in a way that is unusually exhausting.]
Why would you believe that? And... don't hurt him.
[The response isn't immediate. L needs time to think about every single recent development, in a way that is unusually exhausting.]
Why would you believe that? And... don't hurt him.
Saw you two on the network, thought this might be you asking me to tell him what he'd done without having to ask me to tell him what he'd done. If you think he needs to know I'll tell him what I saw, but also if you want that secret kept I won't spill it.
You want to tell him?
[L's ambivalent about it. He doesn't know whether he's only moderately uncomfortable with it, or... something else.]
I don't know what that would accomplish. He's innocent, in all of this, as far as he remembers. Even if he did remember, it's my fault.
[L's ambivalent about it. He doesn't know whether he's only moderately uncomfortable with it, or... something else.]
I don't know what that would accomplish. He's innocent, in all of this, as far as he remembers. Even if he did remember, it's my fault.
Edited 2021-03-08 05:16 (UTC)
[Niles...stares at the text. He had a feeling that's how L saw it all, but seeing it written out that simply, that casually. Like it's obvious. It twists something like anger and disgust in his gut, and he knows that he can't have this conversation through letters on a screen. He learned what he needed to, and he could come back to the rest later.]
I won't tell him.
[That's what L wants and needs for now, and Niles is more than willing to oblige. M should know eventually. Hopefully, if he hears it when he's ready to, it will come like a cautionary tale rather than a prediction or a judgement.]
I won't tell him.
[That's what L wants and needs for now, and Niles is more than willing to oblige. M should know eventually. Hopefully, if he hears it when he's ready to, it will come like a cautionary tale rather than a prediction or a judgement.]
Edited 2021-03-08 06:02 (UTC)
[L thinks he's grateful.]
Thank you, I suppose. As unhappy as I am that anyone at all witnessed that, it's probably the best possible outcome.
Thank you, I suppose. As unhappy as I am that anyone at all witnessed that, it's probably the best possible outcome.
I will; I promise as much.
As soon as you're able, though... please tell me the name he's using here. So that I can corroborate, for Yagami. I want to protect him.
As soon as you're able, though... please tell me the name he's using here. So that I can corroborate, for Yagami. I want to protect him.
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